1. If you are a normal average surfer, I.e not Kelly Slater or Jon Jon, then you can probably surf just well enough to get in a fuck load of trouble out here. Most of the well known breaks are board breakers and leash snappers at head high. Medewi was my favourite wave, a very long left point break with some interesting sections. Somewhere on the east coast there is a secret spot that is exactly like medewi but a right hander. I'm not telling though. Find it for yourself. If you are not super humanly fit, head to medewi. You have to buy a t shirt if you want to surf the point but it helps the village and you get a new t shirt so dont be tight. Kuta beach as a surf spot is a bit crap. Wind gets up and on it by 12. If you don't bring your own boards do your self a favour and bring your own (new) leash. Also double up on the little nylon cords. It might save you a 30 minute smashing buy 8 foot walls of white water as you get washed the 2 km from uluwatu to padang padang, and then the 3k walk back to your moped on burning hot roads in bare feet. (This happened to an Aussie mate of mine). Airport reef kuta is worth a look. If the winds right :-) ) remember that in do is the land of the left. So don't be a twat like me and turn right into a barrelling left, it hurts.
2. Do NOT buy souvenir shit in kuta, seminak, or ubud. Its way too expensive by Balinese standards. Go to the kumbasari market in denpasar. It stinks there and when you first get there you think shit, this is hell on earth. But haggle hard, they got some nice stuff. And remember that although you chuck your 50,000 notes around like nothing because its only £3.50, that's a shed load of money to the locals and they will get it off you if they can. Offer ridiculously low priced for stuff because its not actually ridiculously low. Big Buddha wood carvings that cost about 80 - 100 quid in the UK are actually about £7 here. That super expensive art shop in ubud with all its hippy Buddhist carvings just went to kumbasari market with a van and paid next to nothing for his stock.
3. Eat and drink like a local. Its western coffees and stuff that costs a fortune but the local stuff is fine at 50p a cup. If you hanker for a western coffee go to the circle k stores. Their coffee machine is bloody brilliant.
4. Getting around. rent a motorbike its the only way to go. Traffic is horrendous here. Its 10 times worse than Morocco. BUT you have to be a little mad, and reckless. NOT riding like a crazy local can get you in to trouble here. Everyone expects you to do the crazy shit and if you are all prissy and careful and I want to be safe and that shit, you are liable to get a very old lorry wedged deeply into your ass. Its like being in one big motorcycle gang here, just go with the pack. You can rent bikes everywhere here. Haggle. I got a scooter for 30,000 and a bugger 200cc bike for 80,000 a day (100,000 is about £7 remember). GET AN INTERNATIONAL DRIVING LICENCE before you come over here. In Bali, to be a policeman, you have to PAY a lot of money. Its like £10,000 which is a quarter of the price of a house over here. They ain't interested in your policing skills, just your cash. So EVERY SINGLE copper is bent, and trying to claw back his outlay. You will be stopped 4 or 5 times a day if you are on a run across the island. As long as you have your IDL and your bike papers are in date ( check when you rent it, they are under the seat) they can't do shit. If they try to get you on traffic offences because they want the bribe, get their number and take photos of them. They hate that, and will probably let you go. They are interested in the easy money. They don't like hassle.
5. Once you have done the tat shops, bars and eateries in kuta and alike, get out of town! Once in the country the costal and mountain roads are great for beaning around on your scooter. Wear a helmet on the main roads and take it off if you want on the back roads. If its the rainy season, always have a poncho. It rains at night here and for an hour or so in late afternoon. In the little villages you find on your travels, most warungs ( local food places) have rooms for as little as 50,000 rupiah (3.50)
6. There is no weed in Bali. If you are offered it, don't bother, its just dried leaves. Penalties for it are so severe its just not worth having the real stuff to the locals. You can get it on Gilly t though, because there are no coppers on the island. Mushrooms are the legal high here. But they ain't no English shroom, so you can take much more than you would dare to at home for a light hit.
7. If the girl in the red dress shows an interest when you walk into the bar, she is a prostitute. 500,000 it will cost you. Do NOT have a sexy massage. It will cost you your wallet and bank cards. Most of the hip bars in kuta are on jl RYA legian. Don't bother with the bounty it will be a pissed up Aussie cock fest. Go to the sky garden. If you are old like me there is a good cinema in the mall right beside poppies 2, opposite kuta beach. But the massage parlours ( there are hundreds on every main street ) are all above board. £3.50 for an hour body massage and then nasi gorang after a surf. Heaven! Also, bintang beer is awesome.
8. Go and see tanah lot, uluwatu temple, and if you are in ubud, go to the monkey forest. Its only a quid. Also if you only have time to see one Balinese dance, make it the fire dance. Do not go and see the bat cave temple, its shit. If you do the volcano trek for the sunrise over lake batur, don't be a Russian and wear flip flops. Its fucking hard going for about an hour and a half in the dark. Gitgit waterfalls are nice. But o thought lovenia was a bit shit. The big attraction here is the dolphins. But they are shit dolphins (not like flipper) and there are only 7 of them. So as soon as they get spotted they are swamped by 100 boats full of fat Japanese who want to eat them. Padang bai is a harbour town in the east and the next bay over is the blue lagoon, and is good for snorkelling.
9. Places to eat / stay.
Pop hotel kuta. 20 quid a night, pool, aircon and super clean. Not many westerners though. I have also heard that Uns is really good too.
The balcony kuta. Top little restaurant owned by an ex pro surfer so I'm told. Have the bandanna pancakes. Awesome.
Bali summer restaurant kuta. Nice cheap food. Steak or a whole grilled red snapper for a fiver or less. And my mate Tommy murders some of the well known pop songs after 7pm.
The riverside restaurant ubud. Cheap local type of joint but really good.
Inda lodge ubud. A range of little villas from as little as 10 pound a night, run by yan , an old Dutch chap. He knows all the ins and outs so don't ignore his tips. Email him direct for the best deals.
Warung gedes in medewi. Super cheap food right on the beach next to pee pees surf shack. They have rooms too, from as little as £3.50 a night. Board rentals from pee pee are 80,000 a day. If you want to go up market you can have kirras surf villa to your self with amet, your very own man Friday for 30 quid a night. Email info@medewi and speak to dewa to book. There are also some villas near the Bali bakery in denpasar that you can get for 120 quid a month.
10. Buy a flight. Its 750 quid from the UK but fucking cheap when you get here. If you are on your own check out WWW.couchsurfer.com . you might be able to hook up with other lonesome travellers.
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